Missing in Action

    So, I felt as though I needed a break. A break from what? I don't even know. I just needed to be on my own...I wanted to have some time to figure things out...to be alone but not really. I guess I just wanted to have some "me" time and get away from things. I figured that deactivating my Facebook was going to do it for me.
    I deactivated it clicking, "this is temporary, I'll be back." I guess I knew I couldn't live without it for too long. After deactivating, I felt disconnected, sometimes in a good way..sometimes not so much. I felt as though I could only be reached by those who were important and had my number or email. I soon realized how much time I had. I honestly didn't know what to do with it or myself. Sometimes I'd sit and have nothing to do online or on my phone. I felt bored but also kind of lonely at times.
    I realized how much I depend on the internet sooner than later. When I had absolutely nothing to do, I would log in to Facebook just to snoop around and then deactivate it in two minutes. It's like I relied on it somehow. I liked the idea of being missing in action and well..the thought of being "missed" was actually kind of fulfilling for a bit. People like my ex or old friends wouldn't be able to know what I'm up to all the time.
    But then it was as if I had no connection...I didn't know what people were up to nor did I have random chances to interact with people. See, I'm a talker. I enjoy being in the company of others the majority of the time. Without my Facebook, I felt as if I was not interacting with anyone unless I saw them for lunch or went in person to visit them. This just reminds me of Turkle's reading "Growing up Tethered" where it was stated that we have the "necessity to have someone be there" (177). I think this is so true, well in my case. I don't have to be in the physical presence of people to feel as though I am with people, sometimes the virtual world does it for me. When I was off Facebook, I was on my bbm (blackberry messenger) nonstop. I changed my status all the time and used it more than ever. Although I have way less contacts on there, I definitely needed it to keep myself entertained, in the loop, and connected to my friends. I realized how much time we have for the web but not to make an actual phone call to friends and family. Turkle is right, my mobile device and computer certainly do offer me a community when my loved ones are absent.