Reuinited and it feels so good?

So, for winter break I am supposed to be going to the Dominican Republic to spend some time with my family whom I haven't seen in too long. How excited am I? Too excited. Even though, I'm sure a lot of the time will probably be spent on my grandmother's porch or just visiting family, that is all I need right about now. To breathe the Dominican breeze and to eat my Dominican food... Ahh, what more could I ask for?

I can't wait to see my dad. My mom isn't too much of a fan of his so she doesn't really notice how important this trip is. I haven't seen my dad in 4 and a half years. The last time he saw me, I was a probably an awkward high school newbie. I am a college student now, it is about time he sees the girl I've grown up to become. It's kind of weird how we're still at the child like stages but it's because he doesn't ever see me growing up int he first place. I think this trip is really necessary because it is the only vacation I will have before senior year to actually go away. I plan to study abroad and work on my other vacations so if I don't see my family now, when will they see me, after graduation? Plus my great grandmother just hit the big 90, I'd like to see her soon just in case she doesn't make it to the later years. So, I hope this trip works out and all goes well. I want to just touch my land and feel as though I am home. Like one of my child hood bachata songs is called, "mi tierra!" meaning my land!

It's about time for a reunion and an escape from this college student life!

From the outside in?

You ever met that one girl that was really nice but just straight up annoying? Sometimes I feel bad when I think of how mean I sound when I think of people that get on my nerves. It's probably a problem but at least I'm aware. I need to be more patient before I start disliking people! 

This one girl who was just seemed to never know when to stop saying  certain things. Or like she just sounded too stuck up. Sometimes, when she spoke out loud I would just block her out. How ironic, I ended up being partners with this girl for a group presentation in one of my classes. We ended up having to spend so much time together getting this going and it finally came the time to actually interact besides talking academics. 

We took a study break and went out to get dinner. We ended up talking about our backgrounds and although hers differs from mine greatly, we both had some things in common. She kind of opened up pretty quickly about her life and her problems, her parent's divorce, an illness, high expectations she has to meet, and etc. I just realized how we all have so much more to us besides what people see. I just learned how knowing people generally doesn't mean we know who they are or what they have to offer. I kind of regret being so annoyed by her... Just like Justin Hall, what we see on the outside is not always it. There's a deeper side to people and everyone has their problems. Just because people seem all happy or any other way, doesn't mean that there reality actually portrays that.

Black and white

"It's the way I'm feeling, I just can't deny
But we've gotta let it go
We found love in a hopeless place"

Is it me, or do all these love ships just sink? I've gotten to the point where I don't know if I don't believe or if it's just that I don't trust. It's definitely one of the two. I think what did it for me was my last relationship-- high school/ "first real love" (I guess). I've learned that not everyone is there to stay in your life and that even people who you grow such a strong bond with, could leave your life at anytime. Love can only go so far... Even married couples tend to cheat on each other and the people you care about the most can just do the worst things.. It is so nice and lovely when everything is beginning and everyone is in that stage of "falling" for their loved one. But then things always get bumpy and usually just...well..they end.

I guess people really do find love in a hopeless place. I am yet to know one couple that has survived it all and if so, without all the hurt and pain along the way.I don't see the point in trusting and giving 100% to something that is probably not going to be there forever. I mean...it all seems so temporary. All the effort that people put into being with their partners for it to just go wrong. It's not even about the outcome.. It's about the connection that takes so long to build with people only for it to fall apart so drastically. I just want to avoid feeling the aftermath of what I fear can go so wrong.. I wonder if I'm afraid of losing people I grow so close to or if I just fear being at that low point in my life?

Even Justin Hall worked hard to maintain his relationship with the love of his life. He shut down his site, all of his videos, his entire life...he took a break from...to be with one girl. In the end, is it really worth to give it all up for what only seems temporary? I just don't know.

To float or...to sink!

That awkward moment when your phone falls into the toilet (of clean water ofcourse) and you stick it in a bowl of rice for a couple of days? Yep, that sums up my life right now! So let's talk about how I am sitting next to the bowl of rice helplessly hoping for a miracle... For the first time ever, I actually might have ruined my cell phone which isn't even 4 months old. Yipee...

First of all, when it fell, I just thought about, "hmm what would my English class say about this one?!" Yup, as Turkle says, we have grown up tethered. I have so much time on my hands, without constant connection to all my friends, that it's not even funny. I almost don't even know what to do with myself. Today I reached for my pocket a couple of times only to be reminded of that fact that my cell phone is in a bowl of rice instead of actually functioning and ringing in my nice little pocket. Why in a bowl of rice? Well, though I have never heard of the idea, a whole bunch of people told me it works to dry up the phone so I said, "why the hell not try it?!" I'm going to need a miracle for this phone to work. 1) I need to talk to my friends, ESPECIALLY since I'm going home soon. 2) I don't have insurance on it (yay me!). 3) I am missing my distraction, alarm, calendar, and everything else I do on my phone. I feel so free that it's kind of weird. I'm not going to lie, I like this peaceful, quietness that I've had since yesterday. But I really do need to be in contact with people. I like hiding out for a bit but man, I kind of wish I didn't have to wait on emails to hear back from people. I must say, I've been much more punctual when it comes to meeting up with people and being at certain places.

Turkle would probably compare me to those people as she stated, wait for a distraction, "interruption" in their daily life. I guess in reality, I probably am just like them. I wait for little things to entertain me and take me to a different zone inside my head. I like being able to do something and in the meantime think of other stuff like creating a whole little world in my head. Maybe, I'm just being a little weird. I need to talk to my family back home and my friends there too. My cell phone is the safest way to stay connected and especially when I'm so far away. So let's keep crossing finger that it works!!

Missing in Action

    So, I felt as though I needed a break. A break from what? I don't even know. I just needed to be on my own...I wanted to have some time to figure things out...to be alone but not really. I guess I just wanted to have some "me" time and get away from things. I figured that deactivating my Facebook was going to do it for me.
    I deactivated it clicking, "this is temporary, I'll be back." I guess I knew I couldn't live without it for too long. After deactivating, I felt disconnected, sometimes in a good way..sometimes not so much. I felt as though I could only be reached by those who were important and had my number or email. I soon realized how much time I had. I honestly didn't know what to do with it or myself. Sometimes I'd sit and have nothing to do online or on my phone. I felt bored but also kind of lonely at times.
    I realized how much I depend on the internet sooner than later. When I had absolutely nothing to do, I would log in to Facebook just to snoop around and then deactivate it in two minutes. It's like I relied on it somehow. I liked the idea of being missing in action and well..the thought of being "missed" was actually kind of fulfilling for a bit. People like my ex or old friends wouldn't be able to know what I'm up to all the time.
    But then it was as if I had no connection...I didn't know what people were up to nor did I have random chances to interact with people. See, I'm a talker. I enjoy being in the company of others the majority of the time. Without my Facebook, I felt as if I was not interacting with anyone unless I saw them for lunch or went in person to visit them. This just reminds me of Turkle's reading "Growing up Tethered" where it was stated that we have the "necessity to have someone be there" (177). I think this is so true, well in my case. I don't have to be in the physical presence of people to feel as though I am with people, sometimes the virtual world does it for me. When I was off Facebook, I was on my bbm (blackberry messenger) nonstop. I changed my status all the time and used it more than ever. Although I have way less contacts on there, I definitely needed it to keep myself entertained, in the loop, and connected to my friends. I realized how much time we have for the web but not to make an actual phone call to friends and family. Turkle is right, my mobile device and computer certainly do offer me a community when my loved ones are absent.

Whenever, wherever

After getting my first blackberry, I became what you call a "feen" to stay connected to the outside world. With the freedom to have apps like that of facebook and etc, it became second nature to check my news feed or bbm (blackberry messenger). I think back on the days when I didn't have text...I remember the first day I got texting added to my phone's plan. It was epic. I was texting all my friends, ALL of the time. I felt as though I was part of the loop..I was getting closer to many of them just because we were constantly talking to each other.
Looking back, when I didn't have text I'd usually talk to people if I needed to or for important conversations, maybe once or twice a day. Now, I talk to my friends constantly. I don't see the point of owning a diary when I constantly express myself to the world via facebook, texting, instant messaging, etc. Whether it's a status or a simple bbm I send, I usually express my reactions or feelings all the time.
As Turkle stated, "the validation of a feeling becomes part of establishing it, even part of the feeling itself" (177). Whenever I feel something, it's almost as if I "have" to express it. I have to let someone know my thoughts and it's like I wait for their support to actually establish the feeling. I noticed I rely a lot on others opinions of what I have to say...That goes back to Turkle stating how we modify what we say once we hear ourselves say it to others. My feelings, opinions, thoughts, etc, are constantly changing as I get feedback from my friends. Talk about being a social creature. I really do rely on the responses of my friends.

Mind your, everyone's, own business

For those of us on social networking sites like facebook, we all have that one annoying "friend" that comes up on our news feed all the time. Every time I check my news feed, I'd see this girl come up with her statuses. Not only were they annoying, but they were constantly updated. I always felt like, dammit people are taking facebook way too seriously, updating their every move and etc.

What used to bother me most about this girl is the fact that her statuses were always depressing. She always seemed to be complaining about something or feeling some kind of negative way. I always wanted to post something on her wall trying to give her a hint that she was becoming annoying, maybe something like "Be happy" or "Shut up and live a little." But I never did because we aren't close enough to feel the right to tell her something. I used to be bothered when she would write every single thing on facebook because I felt like that's what people complain about the most. Everyone hates when people are in their business, but if you feel the need to tell the whole world your problems, your business has become their business!

This rerminds me of the Rosenburg reading on Justin Hall. In a way, I don't judge as much when I see people post ridiculous crap online. That is because what is weird to me might not be weird to others, someone out there will find it entertaining. In the reading, it was stated that Justin Hall was more complex than he appeared to be, even though he posted his whole life on the web. I think that sentence kind of made me reflect on the way I judge people online. Even though someone may have their life story on a blog, that doesn't mean there isn't more to the individual than what we see. Just like his upbringing and father's death kind of influenced his need to blog, I think that each person has different motivations and reasons to express themselves. It is true when it was stated "I'm doing this because I can do it. Soon, everyone will be doing it." Justin's Hall use of blogging and self expression has been judged in different ways from absolutely crazy to madly genius. I think that in the end, who would have known that what he did became a norm a decade later (not all of it, but to a certain extent).