Missing in Action

    So, I felt as though I needed a break. A break from what? I don't even know. I just needed to be on my own...I wanted to have some time to figure things out...to be alone but not really. I guess I just wanted to have some "me" time and get away from things. I figured that deactivating my Facebook was going to do it for me.
    I deactivated it clicking, "this is temporary, I'll be back." I guess I knew I couldn't live without it for too long. After deactivating, I felt disconnected, sometimes in a good way..sometimes not so much. I felt as though I could only be reached by those who were important and had my number or email. I soon realized how much time I had. I honestly didn't know what to do with it or myself. Sometimes I'd sit and have nothing to do online or on my phone. I felt bored but also kind of lonely at times.
    I realized how much I depend on the internet sooner than later. When I had absolutely nothing to do, I would log in to Facebook just to snoop around and then deactivate it in two minutes. It's like I relied on it somehow. I liked the idea of being missing in action and well..the thought of being "missed" was actually kind of fulfilling for a bit. People like my ex or old friends wouldn't be able to know what I'm up to all the time.
    But then it was as if I had no connection...I didn't know what people were up to nor did I have random chances to interact with people. See, I'm a talker. I enjoy being in the company of others the majority of the time. Without my Facebook, I felt as if I was not interacting with anyone unless I saw them for lunch or went in person to visit them. This just reminds me of Turkle's reading "Growing up Tethered" where it was stated that we have the "necessity to have someone be there" (177). I think this is so true, well in my case. I don't have to be in the physical presence of people to feel as though I am with people, sometimes the virtual world does it for me. When I was off Facebook, I was on my bbm (blackberry messenger) nonstop. I changed my status all the time and used it more than ever. Although I have way less contacts on there, I definitely needed it to keep myself entertained, in the loop, and connected to my friends. I realized how much time we have for the web but not to make an actual phone call to friends and family. Turkle is right, my mobile device and computer certainly do offer me a community when my loved ones are absent.

Whenever, wherever

After getting my first blackberry, I became what you call a "feen" to stay connected to the outside world. With the freedom to have apps like that of facebook and etc, it became second nature to check my news feed or bbm (blackberry messenger). I think back on the days when I didn't have text...I remember the first day I got texting added to my phone's plan. It was epic. I was texting all my friends, ALL of the time. I felt as though I was part of the loop..I was getting closer to many of them just because we were constantly talking to each other.
Looking back, when I didn't have text I'd usually talk to people if I needed to or for important conversations, maybe once or twice a day. Now, I talk to my friends constantly. I don't see the point of owning a diary when I constantly express myself to the world via facebook, texting, instant messaging, etc. Whether it's a status or a simple bbm I send, I usually express my reactions or feelings all the time.
As Turkle stated, "the validation of a feeling becomes part of establishing it, even part of the feeling itself" (177). Whenever I feel something, it's almost as if I "have" to express it. I have to let someone know my thoughts and it's like I wait for their support to actually establish the feeling. I noticed I rely a lot on others opinions of what I have to say...That goes back to Turkle stating how we modify what we say once we hear ourselves say it to others. My feelings, opinions, thoughts, etc, are constantly changing as I get feedback from my friends. Talk about being a social creature. I really do rely on the responses of my friends.